tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78361405433554261832024-03-13T06:04:15.959-04:00Step-DadMylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.comBlogger135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-50503410698599398612018-11-29T11:21:00.000-05:002018-11-29T11:21:16.872-05:00The Library Card is Overdue<div style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 12px/normal "helvetica"; margin: 0px;">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am calling a meeting with the family before my step son and daughter in law leave on their Far east sojourn. I cannot let this lie until November when their arrival back home will signal a different set of rules that I need for this continued relationship to work for me. I know it works for my wife but not for me. I cannot continue to enable a couple that needs to be on their own. And frankly I need to feel comfortable in my own house again. The way things are just make me feel resentful and frankly not happy. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My son likes to over react and tries to tip the see saw to make me feel guilty as if I am telling him to leave. This is just not so. What I need is more cooperation in help around the house like the three of us already do. And I need not to hear that he is going out to dinner twice in one week and that he adds nothing to the running of the household expenses. The free ride is over, two years is a long time for a book to be out of the library. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I love my step son and his lovely bride and no one can tell me different, even him. </span></span></div>
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Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-20986471983749310542013-12-28T11:09:00.001-05:002013-12-28T11:16:06.262-05:00Elvis Has Left the Building. Goodbye Dad. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It took nearly 63 years but as I stared into the cloudy blue eyes of my 85 year old Father and asked him who I was he said quietly he didn’t know. I knew right then my Father had left this world in spirit. I showed him a picture of my Mother and he in younger days he recognized himself but didn’t know who the woman was who stood by his side thick or thin for one day short of 50 years of marriage. His body still occupies space and he still enjoys every morsel of food but other than that Elvis has left the building. </div>
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When I played “The Summer Wind” and told him the singer was Frank Sinatra, Old Blue Eyes (His favorite crooner) he said: It doesn’t sound like Sinatra. I was nonplussed. There was no need for self-recrimination because I had said everything I needed to tell him some 4 years earlier when he had some cognitive function left. When your loved one doesn’t know they don’t know the only thing left are prayers. I petition my Mother gone some 14 years now to please take our Dad back to her side. </div>
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My beloved sister took care of him in her home for nearly a year and for the life of me I don’t know how she mustered the strength to do it. She had a little help from my “Solid Like a Rock” brother in law but even still the Herculean task was a rock not many could budge. My sister is an angel incarnate on earth but even her loving care was no match for Father Time. </div>
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At Christmas dinner after he had downed an exquisite meal my younger sister had prepared he then asked the young man next to him that had picked him up from the Nursing Home if he might take him back if it was convenient. That young man was his Grandson but he had no idea who he was either.</div>
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Time heals all wounds and now it's time to say goodbye.</div>
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<br />Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-65720193965598019622013-03-07T19:38:00.000-05:002013-03-07T19:38:03.921-05:00Epilogue <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I hesitated writing in this blog again because after all my stint as a Step Dad is over but there are residual hurts that plague me now and then. This is by no means an indictment of my former stepchildren because after all they have families of their own now and although I am persona non grata I hope one day they remember a couple of things. One is that I tried to give them the best life I could when their own biological father was in absentia and was just the man that sired them that’s all. </div>
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Second I hope that my stepson remembers that his own son was sired under my roof and that his lovely Chinese wife would not have entered the country had I not rendered my backing financially because they had no visible means of support. Hell his father told him to send his then fiancé back to Mainland China and forget this whole marriage idea. Now he has a grandson courtesy of yours truly. He is a beautiful child by the way. </div>
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My former charges also forget that I didn’t marry them I married their mother and as they threw me under the bus they continue to pay homage to a man that never held one responsibility as they grew up. And I hope that they realize that it was their mother alone that raised them not their figure of fun daddy. Okay I better stop writing now I know this will get me in trouble but the cats are quite literally out of the bag now. </div>
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I know what I did and what I didn’t do and nothing my former make believe family can say will change that. My wife was not make believe. </div>
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Oh and that picture above was me. I was a figurehead with no judicial powers. </div>
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<br />Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-68972864878379020302012-06-15T18:18:00.002-04:002012-06-15T18:18:12.568-04:00Happy Father's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I extend a Happy Father’s Day to a young man experiencing his 1st. I have had my issues with him over the course of the past 14 years but on this Sunday I wish the proud papa his day in the sun with his son. Even he might not have thought this day would arrive when I first met him at age 13. Hell I never thought he would pull his pants up around his waist but I guess he finally did. </div>
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No easy task in these economic times to be raising a young family but I will always wish him a way to succeed and remember him in my prayers. HFD, Vin. </div>
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I wish my father a Happy Father's Day as well as he experiences his 61st. </div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-64861820176034149642012-02-15T20:33:00.000-05:002012-02-15T20:33:06.471-05:00Ruminations<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-twUhJhlLtSk/TzxcT9GI0FI/AAAAAAAAC_Q/OcrWNEit01s/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-twUhJhlLtSk/TzxcT9GI0FI/AAAAAAAAC_Q/OcrWNEit01s/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Although my tenure of being a stepdad has ended I have learned a lot in 13 years. On the plus side I lived the life of a father and had true devotion from the children sired by another. My stepson now a young man with a family of his own presented the most challenges to me and yet he stood as steadfast as he could to be fair and not side unfairly with his birth mother. I will always appreciate that because as I have said many times here blood is indeed thicker than water and it would have been easy for him to stick to his nuclear roots. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My step daughters although they have not spoken to me once since the breakup I do not blame them for siding with their mother after all she gave them a life when their natural father gave them nothing except a genetic code. On the plus side as well was the fact that I was forced out of my selfish ways because I needed to compensate for children that were egocentric as all children are but I was not used to. I got a lesson in psychology too in that what was important to me mattered little to them. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Of course in many ways I felt used, abused and ignored even though my blended family would deny any such thought but if I had established boundaries and kept my ego in check I could have avoided most of the heartbreak I face now. </div><div><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-64634145835567710832012-01-07T11:29:00.000-05:002012-01-07T11:29:08.276-05:00Purgatory<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vAHooeXElfE/TwhyiC8FZUI/AAAAAAAAC34/_lxGyt4kWw4/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vAHooeXElfE/TwhyiC8FZUI/AAAAAAAAC34/_lxGyt4kWw4/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Although I have suspended my entries for the time being in Step Dad I will be continue to be affected for the foreseeable future even if I never see someone else’s charges ever again. And I know that finance for their future journey will continue to come from me because of my wife’s truly unselfish nature I have to let go of it. I can easily mire myself in resentment as to what went on in this 13-year segment of my life but I will keep my wife in my care because she will continue to keep her offspring in hers. Some people never grow up and that includes stepchildren and yours truly step dad. She will go to heaven I know that I will have a long sentence in purgatory although some might wish me to Go to Hell. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-7596967798587138452011-11-27T14:57:00.000-05:002011-11-27T14:57:13.904-05:00Blood Is Thicker Than Water<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZcJDF-arna4/TtKV0nn_vBI/AAAAAAAACtA/Ni64q6Xz0zE/s1600/DownloadedFile-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZcJDF-arna4/TtKV0nn_vBI/AAAAAAAACtA/Ni64q6Xz0zE/s1600/DownloadedFile-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A word from my own experience and that is don’t ever fool yourself into thinking that your stepchildren have a deeper allegiance to you than their biological father no matter how much of a screw up he is or was. There are exceptions of course but if you inherit children from the age of majority don’t fool yourself into thinking that you have ensconced yourself into their hearts unless of course you have a bank account. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And their mother will roll out every excuse imaginable as to why they are behaving a certain way. It’s not her fault she is just doing her best to rationalize her offspring’s behavior that you have nothing to do with. And most probably to be fair the damage done by their father (which they will always forgive) has left them scarred. And be prepared to be the object of their frustration to take it out on. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I learned much as a step dad and your experience might be much different than mine was but remember this: Blood is thicker than water. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-22327391603709542092011-11-15T20:50:00.002-05:002011-11-15T20:50:26.278-05:00Deposed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YhHynfZr5kk/TsMWzDGZowI/AAAAAAAACq4/Cc89sHwgu4o/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YhHynfZr5kk/TsMWzDGZowI/AAAAAAAACq4/Cc89sHwgu4o/s1600/images-2.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">At first I thought I was a surrogate dad but after a time I realized that I was no more than a figurehead with no judicial powers. Now I am a deposed figurehead who is ignored in my own home. </div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-76216330924195051692011-08-21T18:54:00.000-04:002011-08-21T18:54:58.175-04:00Social Proof<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--V1XYelpFI4/TlGMJuBT7ZI/AAAAAAAACd4/sIPpHMRr-dM/s1600/images-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--V1XYelpFI4/TlGMJuBT7ZI/AAAAAAAACd4/sIPpHMRr-dM/s1600/images-3.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I don’t need to prove to myself who I am but lately it seems I have to remind my residents that I have not changed just because my marital status is on the brink of oblivion. No one takes into account what it is I exactly did here and that makes me not angry but just a bit uncomfortable when this is my house and not theirs. I am not talking about my wife lest someone misconstrue my intention here. I am responsible and if my disintegrating family thinks otherwise I am truly sorry they feel that way. Oh and who ever might be butting in with cheap advice; lay off you don’t know me at all. And you might be hurting what my intention is. And to my soon to be ex-sister in law this means you too. </div><br />
Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-21835083917343003442011-08-02T19:11:00.000-04:002011-08-02T19:11:17.864-04:00The Wolf Moon Revisited<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4JsX3IgYQ70/TjiDwu2ArSI/AAAAAAAACbM/DHGa9C4penU/s1600/images-5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4JsX3IgYQ70/TjiDwu2ArSI/AAAAAAAACbM/DHGa9C4penU/s1600/images-5.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">As I helped celebrate my stepson’s 25th birthday with his mother, my wife and his wife a delightful native Chinese woman at the Cheesecake Factory, we witnessed the Wolf Moon. I suppose you might have heard about it being recognized as the first full moon of 2010 but also one that will be the most brilliant of the year.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It gave me an inspirational metaphor about my own moon that has waxed and waned during my tenure as a stepfather. It made me realize that no matter how much of a ‘moon phase’ I was showing I have always been there for these now adult stepchildren even when I felt like I was only a new moon.</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-88294015163109621622011-07-04T13:23:00.000-04:002011-07-04T13:23:43.912-04:00Quacked<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hYQA1t6iTkw/ThH20afsO6I/AAAAAAAACW8/uw5nstWCrgI/s1600/images-6.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="139" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hYQA1t6iTkw/ThH20afsO6I/AAAAAAAACW8/uw5nstWCrgI/s320/images-6.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Just like a sitting President or in my case a figurehead that is in lame duck status I will continue to scribe what my step parenting role meant for not only my sake but for those that are in the throes of their daily struggle of trying to make sense of what is real, what is an illusion and what is just temporary. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I as I have joked here many times I was only a figurehead in this realm but I certainly lent any of my treasury to my subjects as needed never hording except for some indulgences like too many watches. As I move on to the next chapter or maybe just a new book I will use the lessons learned here to not give advice even when asked and only when pushed to extremes will I offer my own experience. In this way I am never telling or suggesting those asking what to do. Those decisions are left for the individuals to decide to live and if necessary die with. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-84733549308098166122011-06-25T18:38:00.000-04:002011-06-25T18:38:45.837-04:00Smoke Dreams<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gMs_t3VTQ1I/TgZjDKjaAfI/AAAAAAAACUg/Hr8vdGfA8B4/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gMs_t3VTQ1I/TgZjDKjaAfI/AAAAAAAACUg/Hr8vdGfA8B4/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The dream may be over but so is the drama. I am certain that I contributed to some of it but a lot had to do with the fact that I was just not equipped to handle another man’s offspring. My sister said that she could not conceive of being custodian of someone else’s children. It is not for the faint of heart to be sure and the balancing act is less dizzying if you don’t have your own children but that is a handicap as well because you have no living examples of your own to compare it to. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I will always cherish my attempt at being a father and there will be much that I will take to my grave knowing what I have learned. Children are 100 times more concerned about what is happening in their lives as they are in yours, but my stepchildren always kept me on my toes because they expected more out of me especially being married to their mother. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My wife did a splendid job raising three children virtually by herself and I like to think that we spent many more days in harmony than not in my attempt to assist her as she gave them a family life of their own. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-36723263306909512762011-06-19T15:45:00.000-04:002011-06-19T15:45:17.184-04:00Dunderhead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-msMrafPBLhc/Tf5RK12wsaI/AAAAAAAACTE/A-R4efiXUF8/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-msMrafPBLhc/Tf5RK12wsaI/AAAAAAAACTE/A-R4efiXUF8/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> While out with a friend of mine who is also a client this week, he shared with me that after the death of his wife 8 years ago any involvement he might have with another woman had to adhere to one rule: She did not have children of her own. He was determined not to have his offspring saddled with the daunting task to merge with another woman’s family. He had insight, which I lacked primarily because I did not have children of my own. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Time heals all wounds I thought as it applied to my own situation but I realized that I would never get close to another woman’s children again other than to be a witness she can share with. I refuse to give my heart, soul and finances to another man’s responsibility. Call it callous, call it selfish I have done myself an injustice thinking I was anything more than just a figurehead and custodian for the egocentric who were just as quick to move in with me when it suited them as to leave me by the side of the road when their own needs had been sated. The anger I feel consumes me. Never again will I take on another man’s burden. No one will be in my bedroom except my partner and me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-50604308930500493672011-06-17T20:45:00.000-04:002011-06-17T20:45:57.459-04:00Death of a Step Dad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AnbL7NL36Ws/Tfv1AXD8NaI/AAAAAAAACSs/WeQ1R2lW6Sw/s1600/images-5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AnbL7NL36Ws/Tfv1AXD8NaI/AAAAAAAACSs/WeQ1R2lW6Sw/s1600/images-5.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I won’t wax acrimoniously about my disembodied, disenfranchised status as a stepparent. I do know that no one can take the time spent away from me. I gave that portion of my life my best efforts. To those that have judged me I say I am sorry you feel that way. You are entitled to your opinions but just remember me when your life goes to hell it will be up to you to bring it back from the brink. People in glass houses should not throw stones and dogs shouldn’t howl at night either. </div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-63662181286698696622011-06-10T17:34:00.001-04:002011-06-10T21:20:30.869-04:00Burnt Toast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SWDiLL4duFo/TfKMHOugn2I/AAAAAAAACRk/rh8kTUswj94/s1600/DownloadedFile-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SWDiLL4duFo/TfKMHOugn2I/AAAAAAAACRk/rh8kTUswj94/s1600/DownloadedFile-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I know what I brought to their lives and no one can take that from me even myself. Water evaporates eventually but blood is always thicker than water no matter what wounds were inflicted and I accept that. My stepson said that my addiction is one of choice what was their father's excuse. For me I have run out of excuses and for that I will be heartily sorry. What is, is. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Step-Dad will not close down because I have much to share about blended families and why the biological portion of the family no man will put asunder. When man sires a child his replacement is just a figurehead no matter what they say and that's okay. Just know that going in. </div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-44168042280148824522011-05-22T20:49:00.000-04:002011-05-22T20:49:17.119-04:00What Dreams May Come<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OH2wCNTtlYY/Tdmu8pw8YFI/AAAAAAAACOg/Ln6b9Y5_g2Q/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OH2wCNTtlYY/Tdmu8pw8YFI/AAAAAAAACOg/Ln6b9Y5_g2Q/s1600/images-2.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">As I watch the precious lives of my stepchildren unfold two of the three face challenges even I could not comprehend. One is faced with a job market that is desolate at best the other what every woman needs and that is a child to bear for her husband and to start her family like the one her biological parents had once dreamed of. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I am convinced that my stepchildren who are in my biased opinion the best another man sired and my wife conceived, will live long and also prosper. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-75515121161847409812011-05-08T14:55:00.000-04:002011-05-08T14:55:46.709-04:00Mother's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SiONQunFYHQ/Tcbm8Ck_HnI/AAAAAAAACM0/cnTKwDblMlQ/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SiONQunFYHQ/Tcbm8Ck_HnI/AAAAAAAACM0/cnTKwDblMlQ/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">What goes on Mother’s Day at my house? Well all the stepchildren are honoring their Mother with a brunch spearheaded by none other than my middle stepdaughter who does everything with purpose and design. She never leaves a stone unturned. That is why she is so successful in her business life. I don’t know if that in turn means that her relationships follow suit but I have heard many accounts that her friends look to her for expert guidance in most facets of their lives as well. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I never relish these get togethers but they usually make my wife feel attended and loved and fortunately they never last too long like some of the affairs at my sister in laws where the drinking is always overdone. My blended family never goes overboard with imbibing and never personifies it. In other words they drink like earthlings and never alcoholically, at least not in my presence. I like to think it is out of respect for me but even if it’s not I love how mature my stepchildren are in virtually every aspect of their lives. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My mother passed more than 11 years ago and so when this holiday comes around I always feel as if I am just an onlooker and not a participant. </div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-63748133812812212982011-04-28T17:12:00.000-04:002011-04-28T17:12:28.965-04:00The Monomoy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dm8GMXP5nl8/TbnX0fZ4PaI/AAAAAAAACLY/3HQlkuCE1DE/s1600/DownloadedFile-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dm8GMXP5nl8/TbnX0fZ4PaI/AAAAAAAACLY/3HQlkuCE1DE/s1600/DownloadedFile-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RccKtFITApg/TbnX4TESB3I/AAAAAAAACLc/gECOLgRKA5Y/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RccKtFITApg/TbnX4TESB3I/AAAAAAAACLc/gECOLgRKA5Y/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
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Do I even dare write about just how good things are going inside my blended family? I have just made a decision that my stepson as a married man of almost 3 years now is capable of being reasonable and fair in the scheme of things. And he is mindful of the fact that we are two families living under one roof and we have to pull together as if we were all in a monomoy and rowing in unison. <br />
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It has been brought to my attentions that in China and even in Europe including India extended families stay together and nurture each other. I am not saying it’s a ‘til death do us part but for now right or wrong I am feeling more calm, less stressed and most importantly less resentful about my living arrangements. In this economy there is not really any alternative and even if I wanted my stepson and daughter in law to move out it wouldn’t be now.<br />
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My daughter in law makes me smile everyday especially when she changes the inflection in her voice and sounds so “American”, it’s as if she has learned the colloquial dialect of a Long Island woman. <br />
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</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-77936844635710303182011-04-21T19:25:00.000-04:002011-04-21T19:25:09.474-04:00Paradigm Shift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5IdYqjmm1ak/TbC8yQ9XDbI/AAAAAAAACKY/yqO2q4X7bww/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5IdYqjmm1ak/TbC8yQ9XDbI/AAAAAAAACKY/yqO2q4X7bww/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
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It’s been a long time since I have made an entry into Step Dad and mainly it’s due to the fact that my stepson and I are on the best of terms since I don’t know when. At first I thought it was all due to the paradigm shift that took place between my ears, but I know that relationships don’t work that way. And so maybe there was a thoughtful change in my son as well but since I can only control my own thoughts and actions I need not speculate on what went on in his brain. All I know is that my step fathering status is like I have always wanted. He asks my advice again and I make sure that I stop whatever I am doing and open both ears and keep my mouth shut. And before I do speak instead of a quick response I listen to my heart before I part my lips.Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-83936817995744683582011-03-24T23:02:00.000-04:002011-03-24T23:02:24.335-04:00Growing Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-VzOD82Pbd0o/TYwFXNNkASI/AAAAAAAACHc/urRqQugrO0M/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-VzOD82Pbd0o/TYwFXNNkASI/AAAAAAAACHc/urRqQugrO0M/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Why did it take so long? Was it because I never sired a child of my own? Or was it I just got long in the tooth and came to my senses? The great communicator that I fashion myself as, at times is but a make believe crown I placed upon my head. It was more like the one Burger King gives out to the children than the one you might find next to the Crown Jewels. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">No matter things are all out in the open now and for the moment I have recovered the patience I lost, as my son and I have come to an understanding that what he wants I want for him and he knew all along what we wanted as well. Maybe to be fair we both grew up just a little these past few weeks. </div><div><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-40132171123330600522011-02-13T13:54:00.000-05:002011-02-13T13:54:42.371-05:00My Resume<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9kJ4gO-hzlg/TVgodB1R93I/AAAAAAAACCw/PL9fO979T6Q/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9kJ4gO-hzlg/TVgodB1R93I/AAAAAAAACCw/PL9fO979T6Q/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The mad writer is at it again. There will always be time for people to grow up and I won’t have to feel like I have a standard to maintain that no one else has to. I never thought I signed up for this kind of work and on balance it has been the best learning experience of my life. I learned that I had to sublimate my own needs because adolescents and young adults needed more egocentric care than I was used to giving. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">What I want to remember is that every time I have been the giver and reciprocity was not part of the equation I was the one that suffered the most. When my sister borrowed a tidy sum from me some 15 years ago and wound up being angry at me I realized that some people cannot take responsibility for their part of the relationship. And that’s fine because their time will come when they will have to face those decisions and hopefully act responsibly. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">In the end it matters not what anyone thinks about me because I know what my resume is. And as a step parent I have gone the distance and I don’t need anyone’s approval. </div><div><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-63512560081711443602011-02-10T11:39:00.000-05:002011-02-10T11:39:33.170-05:00When I'm Wrong I am Wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-p6qex-j0hJ0/TVQUjQz32zI/AAAAAAAACCQ/ckg2sr2ga0A/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-p6qex-j0hJ0/TVQUjQz32zI/AAAAAAAACCQ/ckg2sr2ga0A/s1600/DownloadedFile.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
I stand corrected. My wife informed me that my stepson is indeed trying to find employment and that he has sent out over 100 applications to find a position. Part of my blindness is what I don’t see and I have forgotten the fact that he wants to get on with his life more than I want to see him do. And so I apologize for not really getting the story right and when I see him here I erroneously thought that he wasn’t trying. I can see that that is just not correct. I love my stepson maybe more than he knows and it’s unfortunate that I don’t communicate with him better. I will endeavor to restore the imbalance that I have created in disharmony. I still wish that he would take out the garbage sometimes. Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-1043887593640379282011-01-25T19:56:00.000-05:002011-01-25T19:56:18.506-05:00Briant's Dilemma<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oA2SLury9N0/TT9wnT0giCI/AAAAAAAACAA/O4JWWyJNQzs/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oA2SLury9N0/TT9wnT0giCI/AAAAAAAACAA/O4JWWyJNQzs/s1600/images-1.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I don’t think I have been remiss in my entries into Step Dad because there really hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to report. Gone are my frustrations with my stepson that he simply lacks the drive and initiative to make something out of his life because he just does not. He got married in a rather cavalier way figuring one of his relatives or me would simply hand him an entry-level position that paid him handsomely so that he could make a respectable living. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Only yesterday I suggested he take a spin class with me because I had secured him a free months pass to Equinox an exercise club I belong to. He instantly said that he had no interest going at such an ungodly hour to the classes I attended and in my mind I thought if it wasn’t close enough to the noon hour he would have no part of that. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I am trying not to be facetious but my son is more concerned with sleep than he is carving out a living. This is strangely attached to his low self-esteem wherein he struggles to prove his own worth to himself. My own theory is that his mother molly coddled him like my own parents did to their last-born child. My youngest sister has some of the same deleterious expectations of entitlements that my son has although I must confess he does not have the selfish manipulation she does. I am not sure whether to blame nature or nurture here but clearly something went awry. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">He announced to his mother that he expected to be out of the house with his lovely wife at the end of the summer. I pay no attention to such proclamations because he can’t rub two nickels together and it probably will take one of my oversized boots to give him a swift loving kick and send him reeling from the nest before his 30th birthday approaches. To be fair that is a bit of an overstatement but as usual there is no plan unless I am the architect and builder. </div><div><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-84527670806571660402011-01-09T17:30:00.000-05:002011-01-09T17:30:53.500-05:00A Gift Horse<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oA2SLury9N0/TSo2vbwPXJI/AAAAAAAAB9g/SyY2K_nxsws/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oA2SLury9N0/TSo2vbwPXJI/AAAAAAAAB9g/SyY2K_nxsws/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I have to keep my mouth shut when I see that my stepson is not using common sense when he talks to his wife. After all it is none of my business if he chooses criticism over diplomacy. I have waxed poetic about my daughter in law here several times. She is just wonderful on so many levels and any man would be blessed to call her his wife. However young males can speak from their head and rarely consult with their hearts first. That I can say from experience is a recipe for disaster. Just like when you’re asked: “Does this dress make me look fat?” you don’t criticize your significant others cooking. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Hopefully he will learn in time but you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s an old cliché but it still works today. </div><div><br />
</div>Mylifeafteraa.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17527626811682935462noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7836140543355426183.post-51991106336423365092011-01-01T12:51:00.000-05:002011-01-01T12:51:56.259-05:00The Awakening<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oA2SLury9N0/TR9pZDdUJpI/AAAAAAAAB8A/VDqCTkkq-cY/s1600/images-5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oA2SLury9N0/TR9pZDdUJpI/AAAAAAAAB8A/VDqCTkkq-cY/s1600/images-5.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It is the day after amateur night. I suppose that it is good January 1, 2011 has fallen on a Saturday. It gives me time to decompress before I have to take on yet another year being responsible for 3 people that don’t seem to be cognizant of who or what I am. They might think they do but my stepson and wife are totally self absorbed in what is their future while they continue to rely on me to house them. And my wife turns a dear ear and blind eye in the hopes that her time passes uneventfully. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">As far as my son and wife are concerned it is not so much about wanting them gone, as it is that they continue to take me for granted and think I am impervious to pain and incapable of feelings that my needs are certainly not being met. I am not their custodian while they play house. This has nothing to do with love it is just about being reasonable and this situation is totally unreasonable. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> There continues to be no plan about the future only talks about it. I live day-to-day hoping things will change by themselves. I have started to awaken but I still feel so all-alone. I am acknowledged but only ceremoniously and there is no substance in that at least not for me. I have asked the question about what I need to do because no one here seems motivated to make change. Even after I got my stepson a job, he continues to be penurious while I continue being magnanimous. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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