Briant's Dilemma

I don’t think I have been remiss in my entries into Step Dad because there really hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to report. Gone are my frustrations with my stepson that he simply lacks the drive and initiative to make something out of his life because he just does not. He got married in a rather cavalier way figuring one of his relatives or me would simply hand him an entry-level position that paid him handsomely so that he could make a respectable living. 

Only yesterday I suggested he take a spin class with me because I had secured him a free months pass to Equinox an exercise club I belong to. He instantly said that he had no interest going at such an ungodly hour to the classes I attended and in my mind I thought if it wasn’t close enough to the noon hour he would have no part of that. 

I am trying not to be facetious but my son is more concerned with sleep than he is carving out a living. This is strangely attached to his low self-esteem wherein he struggles to prove his own worth to himself.  My own theory is that his mother molly coddled him like my own parents did to their last-born child. My youngest sister has some of the same deleterious expectations of entitlements that my son has although I must confess he does not have the selfish manipulation she does.  I am not sure whether to blame nature or nurture here but clearly something went awry.  

He announced to his mother that he expected to be out of the house with his lovely wife at the end of the summer. I pay no attention to such proclamations because he can’t rub two nickels together and it probably will take one of my oversized boots to give him a swift loving kick and send him reeling from the nest before his 30th birthday approaches. To be fair that is a bit of an overstatement but as usual there is no plan unless I am the architect and builder. 

A Gift Horse

I have to keep my mouth shut when I see that my stepson is not using common sense when he talks to his wife. After all it is none of my business if he chooses criticism over diplomacy.  I have waxed poetic about my daughter in law here several times. She is just wonderful on so many levels and any man would be blessed to call her his wife. However young males can speak from their head and rarely consult with their hearts first. That I can say from experience is a recipe for disaster. Just like when you’re asked: “Does this dress make me look fat?” you don’t criticize your significant others cooking. 

Hopefully he will learn in time but you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s an old cliché but it still works today.  

The Awakening

It is the day after amateur night. I suppose that it is good January 1, 2011 has fallen on a Saturday. It gives me time to decompress before I have to take on yet another year being responsible for 3 people that don’t seem to be cognizant of who or what I am. They might think they do but my stepson and wife are totally self absorbed in what is their future while they continue to rely on me to house them. And my wife turns a dear ear and blind eye in the hopes that her time passes uneventfully.  

As far as my son and wife are concerned it is not so much about wanting them gone, as it is that they continue to take me for granted and think I am impervious to pain and incapable of feelings that my needs are certainly not being met. I am not their custodian while they play house. This has nothing to do with love it is just about being reasonable and this situation is totally unreasonable. 

 There continues to be no plan about the future only talks about it. I live day-to-day hoping things will change by themselves. I have started to awaken but I still feel so all-alone.  I am acknowledged but only ceremoniously and there is no substance in that at least not for me. I have asked the question about what I need to do because no one here seems motivated to make change. Even after I got my stepson a job, he continues to be  penurious while I continue being magnanimous.