What Dreams May Come

As I watch the precious lives of my stepchildren unfold two of the three face challenges even I could not comprehend. One is faced with a job market that is desolate at best the other what every woman needs and that is a child to bear for her husband and to start her family like the one her biological parents had once dreamed of. 

I am convinced that my stepchildren who are in my biased opinion the best another man sired and my wife conceived, will live long and also prosper.  

Mother's Day

What goes on Mother’s Day at my house? Well all the stepchildren are honoring their Mother with a brunch spearheaded by none other than my middle stepdaughter who does everything with purpose and design. She never leaves a stone unturned. That is why she is so successful in her business life. I don’t know if that in turn means that her relationships follow suit but I have heard many accounts that her friends look to her for expert guidance in most facets of their lives as well. 

I never relish these get togethers but they usually make my wife feel attended and loved and fortunately they never last too long like some of the affairs at my sister in laws where the drinking is always overdone. My blended family never goes overboard with imbibing and never personifies it. In other words they drink like earthlings and never alcoholically, at least not in my presence. I like to think it is out of respect for me but even if it’s not I love how mature my stepchildren are in virtually every aspect of their lives. 

My mother passed more than 11 years ago and so when this holiday comes around I always feel as if I am just an onlooker and not a participant. 

The Monomoy

Do I even dare write about just how good things are going inside my blended family?  I have just made a decision that my stepson as a married man of almost 3 years now is capable of being reasonable and fair in the scheme of things.  And he is mindful of the fact that we are two families living under one roof and we have to pull together as if we were all in a monomoy and rowing in unison.

It has been brought to my attentions that in China and even in Europe including India extended families stay together and nurture each other. I am not saying it’s a ‘til death do us part but for now right or wrong I am feeling more calm, less stressed and most importantly less resentful about my living arrangements. In this economy there is not really any alternative and even if I wanted my stepson and daughter in law to move out it wouldn’t be now.

My daughter in law makes me smile everyday especially when she changes the inflection in her voice and sounds so “American”, it’s as if she has learned the colloquial dialect of a Long Island woman.

Paradigm Shift

It’s been a long time since I have made an entry into Step Dad and mainly it’s due to the fact that my stepson and I are on the best of terms since I don’t know when. At first I thought it was all due to the paradigm shift that took place between my ears, but I know that relationships don’t work that way. And so maybe there was a thoughtful change in my son as well but since I can only control my own thoughts and actions I need not speculate on what went on in his brain. All I know is that my step fathering status is like I have always wanted. He asks my advice again and I make sure that I stop whatever I am doing and open both ears and keep my mouth shut. And before I do speak instead of a quick response I listen to my heart before I part my lips.

Growing Up

Why did it take so long? Was it because I never sired a child of my own? Or was it I just got long in the tooth and came to my senses? The great communicator that I fashion myself as, at times is but a make believe crown I placed upon my head. It was more like the one Burger King gives out to the children than the one you might find next to the Crown Jewels. 

No matter things are all out in the open now and for the moment I have recovered the patience I lost, as my son and I have come to an understanding that what he wants I want for him and he knew all along what we wanted as well. Maybe to be fair we both grew up just a little these past few weeks. 

My Resume

The mad writer is at it again. There will always be time for people to grow up and I won’t have to feel like I have a standard to maintain that no one else has to. I never thought I signed up for this kind of work and on balance it has been the best learning experience of my life. I learned that I had to sublimate my own needs because adolescents and young adults needed more egocentric care than I was used to giving. 

What I want to remember is that every time I have been the giver and reciprocity was not part of the equation I was the one that suffered the most. When my sister borrowed a tidy sum from me some 15 years ago and wound up being angry at me I realized that some people cannot take responsibility for their part of the relationship. And that’s fine because their time will come when they will have to face those decisions and hopefully act responsibly. 

In the end it matters not what anyone thinks about me because I know what my resume is.  And  as a step parent I have gone the distance and I don’t need anyone’s approval.  

When I'm Wrong I am Wrong

I stand corrected. My wife informed me that my stepson is indeed trying to find employment and that he has sent out over 100 applications to find a position. Part of my blindness is what I don’t see and I have forgotten the fact that he wants to get on with his life more than I want to see him do. And so I apologize for not really getting the story right and when I see him here I erroneously thought that he wasn’t trying. I can see that that is just not correct. I love my stepson maybe more than he knows and it’s unfortunate that I don’t communicate with him better. I will endeavor to restore the imbalance that I have created in disharmony. I still wish that he would take out the garbage sometimes.