Smoke Dreams

The dream may be over but so is the drama. I am certain that I contributed to some of it but a lot had to do with the fact that I was just not equipped to handle another man’s offspring. My sister said that she could not conceive of being custodian of someone else’s children. It is not for the faint of heart to be sure and the balancing act is less dizzying if you don’t have your own children but that is a handicap as well because you have no living examples of your own to compare it to. 

I will always cherish my attempt at being a father and there will be much that I will take to my grave knowing what I have learned. Children are 100 times more concerned about what is happening in their lives as they are in yours, but my stepchildren always kept me on my toes because they expected more out of me especially being married to their mother. 

My wife did a splendid job raising three children virtually by herself and I like to think that we spent many more days in harmony than not in my  attempt to assist her as she gave them a family life of their own. 

Dunderhead

 While out with a friend of mine who is also a client this week, he shared with me that after the death of his wife 8 years ago any involvement he might have with another woman had to adhere to one rule: She did not have children of her own. He was determined not to have his offspring saddled with the daunting task to merge with another woman’s family. He had insight, which I lacked primarily because I did not have children of my own. 

Time heals all wounds I thought as it applied to my own situation but I realized that I would never get close to another woman’s children again other than to be a witness she can share with. I refuse to give my heart, soul and finances to another man’s responsibility. Call it callous, call it selfish I have done myself an injustice thinking I was anything more than just a figurehead and custodian for the egocentric who were just as quick to move in with me when it suited them as to leave me by the side of the road when their own needs had been sated. The anger I feel consumes me.  Never again will I take on another man’s burden. No one will be in my bedroom except my partner and me.

Death of a Step Dad

I won’t wax acrimoniously about my disembodied, disenfranchised status as a stepparent. I do know that no one can take the time spent away from me. I gave that portion of my life my best efforts. To those that have judged me I say I am sorry you feel that way. You are entitled to your opinions but just remember me when your life goes to hell  it will be up to you to bring it back from the brink. People in glass houses should not throw stones and dogs shouldn’t howl at night either.  

Burnt Toast

I know what I brought to their lives and no one can take that from me even myself. Water evaporates eventually but blood is always thicker than water no matter what  wounds were inflicted and I accept that. My stepson said that my addiction is one of choice what was their father's excuse. For me I have run out of excuses and for that I will be heartily sorry. What is, is. 

Step-Dad will not close down because I have much to share about blended families and why the biological portion of the family no man will put asunder. When man sires a child his replacement is just a figurehead no matter what they say and that's okay. Just know that going in.