The main ingredient for me as a step dad is keeping my mouth shut. So many times I have had to kick myself to keep me from offering advice to my stepson. What makes it so difficult is because the advice I am offering seems so simple, logical and clear-cut to me. I say to myself he will certainly thank me for doing it. I can tell you that it never works. I have to let him arrive at the answers by himself. It is always better for him to think it was his idea not mine. My wife knows and that is gratification enough.
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