Autumnal Equinox

I didn’t mean that I was taking a vacation from writing in my Step Dad blog I just meant that I was temporarily relieving myself from parental overseeing or meddling for at least the foreseeable future.

I reiterate that I would not want to be young again starting out even though there are times I lament not doing more with my life in terms of accomplishment. Some might argue with that interpretation but it is still something I am reticent to think about at times. The point is that I have made a difference for some and even if I don’t think my life as I head toward the autumnal equinox has been a failure, there are times that I wish I could have some days to do over again. 

Be that as it may it is not my wish to be unhappy with where I am because there is no room nor is there any place for it to reside in my mind even for a minute or two.  I have only today and this moment to flourish and if my plants get dry there will be a watering can that will show up somewhere before I wither. 

I'm On Vacation

With the onset of Summer I have given myself a reprieve of sorts. I almost feel that the pressure is off on what my part of the equation of parenting needs to be.   I am exiting the opinion sweepstakes of the day-to-day goings on in the house and leaving it to my wife to figure it out.

That is not to say that I am taking a permanent vacation just a few weeks off to concentrate on my work and of course my writing. 

Birds in the Nest

I am looking at the intended flight of the birds in the upstairs nest.  I know it must seem scary to them knowing they will have to fly on their own one day.  I for one would not want to be young again facing the next 50 years in the 21^st century. 

The easier softer way tells me that they will head for the Far East to raise their family and fortune.  It’s just not in my son’s nature to believe in himself as a man just yet.  I hope he comes to his senses so that he and his spouse share their version of happy eternity together. 

Step Dad Day

Not one of the most auspicious Father’s Day I have spent in my collection I will admit frankly.  I woke up with a chip on my shoulder and I don’t know what tree it came from.  However my wife was not long on tolerance of my “chippiness” and refused to talk to me for several hours.

I went through some machinations in my head and went right for my easy hiding place of isolation. I have a PhD. In solitude and I felt I was justified in feeling the way I did. Which was if you’re not talking to me, wait to you see my version of silence laced with scorn.   However, I make my own pain and when I rely on anyone including my wife to make my day ‘special’ because I am annexing a holiday that really isn’t mine I am only asking for trouble.

I will not fall into this trap again just because my step daughter (bless her heart) stopped over on Friday to deliver by hand a Father’s Day card signed by her and her fiancé and my step son and his wife gave me their Hallmark version along with a new leather Journal.  These well-intentioned trinkets give me the illusion I am deserving of homage because I am the de facto father. 

Truth is this made up holiday gives me a mercurial attitude every time it shows up on the calendar.  As much as I love the attention it is the private smugness that I carry against their biological father that makes this Sunday in June an awkward one for the this Stepdad.   

Step-Dad Report Card

I am about to take on a challenge as a step dad that I have not really thought of before. It’s a challenge in retrospective. I am going to ask my stepchildren about my performance the good the bad and the ugly.  I like to think I have done a good job on balance but there have been moments that I have not exactly shined as a person, man and step dad. I cannot change what has transpired but maybe these chronicles will serve someone else that is neck deep in the challenge of raising another man’s children with more service time to go than I have.

I also know that I am not above scrutiny because they are not mine and their love for their mother is unconditional. Their love for me is built on time not by birthright. My son reads my blog so maybe I can get him to start this dialogue without having to ask. However, I will report soon.  

The Lynch-pin

Just because it’s not always the way I want it, doesn’t mean that I can’t be loving, pleasant, civil and genuinely concerned about the goings on with my step children.

The baseline is, I love my stepchildren and I’d like to say I love them as much as if they were my own children but I can’t. Simply because well there are several reasons:  One is that biologically they are not mine, secondly if they were I don’t know if I could have been objective as I like to think I have been these past 12 years and lastly I don’t know either how I would have behaved had I been their real father from cradle to their adulthood. 

The truth is,  I may have made many more gaffes had I been they’re from their birth and my emotional decisions along the way may have dramatically altered the course of their lives.   And by the way I am not claiming that it would necessarily be for the better, because my own addictions may have screwed up their lives much worse than a man who was seemingly disengaged from their lives. His active non-involvement might have been innocuous compared to my self will run riot while I was actively drinking.

I am exactly where I need to be the lynch pin holding our lives together at the moment  even though there are times when that pin was pulled on.  And even in those instances I know they are happy that I am in their lives. 

Blood is Thicker than Water

As close as I am the further away I am when I am not.  Never discount how thick blood is.  The relationship between mother and son is unbreakable and rarely is it  up for any degree of scrutiny.  Prepare yourself that you can never get closer than her children are to her.  She may say things are otherwise but don’t you believe it. 

Not that that is a reason in itself to not love her with your whole heart and soul but remember the biological father who is not in her life couldn’t make the difference to stay and don’t make yourself out as a savior, it only sets you up for failure.

There will be days of bliss and days of torture, don’t get too high or too low over it. 

The Caboose

There are times I think I am deaf or I just don’t pay close enough attention.  And I will admit the latter is true most of the time.  Although there are instances I feel like I’m in the caboose and my wife is whispering in the front of the train swearing I head what she said. 

As I said I admit that I am still working on my listening skills but there are those times that I feel that when plans are made I am the last to know.  Oh well, until the grandchildren the phenomena will end one day.  

The Two Of Us

The kids are going away this weekend and my wife and I will get some needed privacy and they will get some of their own.  It has not always been easy living with another married couple because we both need to get on with our lives.  I know they want to have a family of their own one day and this old man is ready for the next stage of this relationship: Step Granddad.

My sister with her family arrives by late weekend so the solitude will be broken but then again she has never seen this house in our 7 year stay here and I for one look forward to that.  

China Girl

The newest relationship in my life as a Step Dad is my son’s wife.  Since she and my son live with us I have developed a wonderful relationship with her in my eyes.  She is the sweetest young woman and the fact that she is from China has made it all the more interesting for me as I have gotten her to understand my dry sense of humor. And after almost two years she is starting to give me doses of my own medicine, which makes her even more charming. 

She gets along so well with my wife, which is not hard because they are both angels.  But nonetheless her sensitivity runs deep and I am so happy my stepson found this priceless jade from Asia. And God can she makes soup noodles, dumplings and spring rolls. Just one of the benefits of being, what shall I call myself? Step Dad in law?

Oh and I just found out what a "banana" is.