Turnabout

As if by magic,  things can change simply after an exchange of words takes place.  It never occurred to me that my conversation with my stepson less than a week ago about the new job, would change 180 degrees. He was certain that this position was not for him. In fact his father, bless his heart told him that it was the wrong kind of work for him.  Since 1998 his biological father has told him nothing on his plate was the right thing to do including marrying his wife.  

Turns out in a conversation with his mother and another with his cousins, sister and new brother in law yesterday,  that he indeed does like it. I was the last to know but that matters little,  it's just my ego bruised. I can rest easy as least he has some place to go and I am sure he will go as far as he wants to with it. 

So there is a God after all.  

Storm on the Horizon

Things at home are unsettled once again. I keep having resentment poke it’s head through the hole in my heart. It keeps saying why am I in this situation?  My wife says I don’t have to stay here. Which is a non-sequitir if I have ever heard one. What self-respecting man let’s his life unfold this way? Is it my own fear or is there a reluctance to change the environs because I see no alternative now? I am not sure.  I have done my best even though I am expected to do still more.  The biological father must be laughing at me, but that’s not what worries me.  I think what’s on my mind is the fact that my wife is content to leave things status quo and not having much care how unhappy I am. There are moments of clarity and relative calm but I know there is a storm in the forecast. 

I know that I am complicit in all that has happened but that does not mean that I have to sit by and take abuse just because someone thinks I deserve it or can take it.  Eventually I will simply unhook my collar and…

Triple Speculation

My beloved stepson and I had a confab last night, and even though I was shouting, it wasn’t at him.  My raised voice was merely aimed at trying to erase his natural tendency to be a half glass full young man.  He is mired in speculation, double speculation and dare I say triple speculation.  The phrase: if, then is burned on his hard drive. My speculation is that this is an inborn carryover from his biological father, because I don’t think we (his mother and I) have simulated the environment to foster such a track of programmed thought.

My son is caught in the web that benefits are of more import than his chosen vocation. In my opinion that is like wearing the shirt inside out. It’s not a disconnect however, because his true passion is music and he has virtually given up on that ever happening and so his thoughts have turned to his treasure, his lovely Min.  I have waxed poetic about her in previous posts, so I won’t get sidetracked here. Most assuredly this young man is talented beyond his own comprehension and reminds me of yours truly.  He is still young, and whatever power and influence still lies with me to instill in him, I will try to impart.  

This is an ongoing story and you will hear more as it unfolds.  

Killjoy Was Here

He’s got a job!  What would normally be a joyous event was turned into a Killjoy party.  Last night as he asked me for my GPS and EZ-Pass he was lamenting the fact that he had to drive to the Bronx for training at dawn.  I turned to my wife with a look of an expletive phrase and she waved her hand as if to say, ignore him. I was amazed, disheartened, and my popcorn got burned instead of popping.  

Nothing seems to make my stepson happy except for the latest exercise regimen he has discovered on the Internet or what type of organic foods and supplements he should ingest.  I know he is still relatively young and he has changed dramatically from the days of “The four year ordeal, getting him up for school”, but when you witness progress, it never seems to move along to a pace beyond the lower speed limit, because speaking personally I want it to hurtle, rather than like the imperceptible movement of the minute hand on a watched clock.  

Although to be fair, maybe it is my son’s defense mechanism to prevent him from getting too high on anything until he can wrap his brain around the fact that he really likes something or not. Time of course will tell, and I told him that no matter what happens it is not a reflection on me that is going to put me on a hot tin roof.  Cat or no cat. 

He Lands a Job

There was not much celebration from my stepson as I helped him secure a position that will pay him a decent wage yesterday. There still seems to be no sense of urgency in this young man.  I am sure he thinks his sister or someone will come up with a position worthy of his full time satisfaction.  I personally do not think he is cut out for sales but hey either did I think I was either.  

I told him that just because he wants to play shortstop for the Yankees, if the Cincinnati Reds come calling you go play for them. His response is of course but he has this sense that he knows what this new position is all about simply by reading about it and consuming the synopsis from one of his friends. He is quite frankly nonplussed. Reactions aside I am just happy that he will be gainfully employed at long last.  

My daughter in law left for Manhattan and lived to tell about it yesterday and from my wife’s account she had a wonderful time. One of her new found Chinese friends who were born with a silver no make that a platinum spoon in her mouth was ordering around the help at a restaurant they attended as if she was Royalty incarnate. My daughter in law thinks it’s all very amusing, and I am glad she was not my offspring, as she would have received a few bottom spankings along her way out of childhood. 

My main intent for myself is to stay out of resentment and coast into the time that the birds fly and land in their own nest.  I still haven’t gotten my dumpling dinner and it’s nigh on three weeks since their return from the Orient. Am I allowed to say that? Too bad, I just did. 

The Compost Pile

After seeing my new therapist last night, I might have been left with the feeling that I am being taken for granted. I am the only one working at present in this household, footing all the bills.  I don’t get molly coddled enough. I have virtually bankrupted myself keeping this albatross around my neck.  I am not blaming anyone for my economic situation but I would like just a little more consideration and moral support just so I know that they know. Lucky for me my higher power has blessed me with great talent so I will always be able to generate money.

 I refuse to let the resentments that used to consume me overtake my resolve, because I know that God didn’t take me this far to drop me on my head or those that depend on me to keep a roof over their heads. And as I look out over the landscape in my backyard blanketed with fallen leaves I intuitively know that I am not destined for the compost pile, not yet anyway.

Job Hunt

Nearly one week after the Wedding of the Century, life returns to normal at my household. I can feel the sense of urgency from my stepson to be employed, and he exhibits some of the same issues of the mind that faced me when I first looked into the workplace wondering what I wanted to do when I grew up.  The problem today is that with the American economy in disarray, the influence of the internet and the confusion of young people what career path they should take makes the job search confusing and daunting. Years ago, even I subscribed to the idea my Dad did, staying with one company and build a career there. I didn’t follow that even remotely but in my last position I maintained a presence for 15 years before circumstances demanded that I pick out a new stadium and a new team.  I took pride that I was somewhere more than a year, but that strategy is not necessarily the most intelligent or the most profitable. 

I watched my step daughter pursue a career she didn’t even go to college for, but once she was able to secure her first entry level position she hop scotched her way adroitly from one company to another, and after several jumps landed back at her first company at quadruple her compensation. Unfortunately, this path of success has not inspired my stepson.  Quite the contrary, I think it has paralyzed him. He is too caught up in job descriptions, where he will be located and placing all his hopes on that” one” job that will give him a representative salary to support him and his lovely wife. Trouble is he lives here and that has stunted his aggressiveness in pursuing a job any job, because he can theoretically take his time even though I believe he is motivated to ‘get out there.' His comment; we are trying to get out of here as soon as possible, misses the point that he interview and take the first job offered if it pays a market rate and not hold himself out until his first pick presents itself on a silver platter.  I am leaving this job thing to my wife because I feel I will only complicate the situation that is turning increasingly critical. I will try to provide any opportunity I can through the contacts I have as limited as that is.