Some 12 ½ years later my stepson still asks for my counsel. I must treat it with reverence, because if I don’t I run the risk of him not coming back for more complicated advice when it really means something. At times I have been dismissive when he has tried to talk to me about subjects that seem arcane and remote and my attitude has sometimes been supercilious. I regret that because although my experience tells me his questions are irrelevant or even speculative, they are relevant to him. I must not take his being a neophyte in some of the ways of the world as a reason to ever treat him with disdain else it will be me feeling remorseful one day soon.
3 comments:
Yes JB,
You need to realize that a young man that asks questions is a smart young man, who will someday be a wise (dare I say older) man like yourself. It is the inquiring minds asking questions and figuring out their way in the world, rather than blindly charging full speed ahead, pretending to know it all. The young man respects you and has needed (and hopefully appreciates) your nurturing these past 12 1/2 years.
I never had a son of my own and sometimes I forget that I missed that blessing. I have done the best I could but there is always room for considerable improvement.
As parents, the most that we can do is our best. This isn't always easy because many of us did NOT have good role models. I always remind myself that my parents taught me what NOT to do.
In my step family, I always felt that the one area where the step-parent (in this case my husband)had failed was that whenever my son pushed him to his limit (albeit quite LOW), he would retreat. It was almost like a spouse giving the silent scorn treatment. My issue is that you can't be a sometimes parent. My son knows that no matter how difficult he has been in the past, I am the ONE SINGLE person he could count on 24/7...through the good, the bad and the ugly. Maybe in my case it was just my husband's personality to extricate those he could not control, as he eventually did to me. I just feel that it is morally wrong to cut out or "divorce" a child. But then again, maybe the bigger child WAS the stepfather. JB, you are much more compassionate than that. The step relationship is terribly fragile, especially without common dna to hold it together.
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