Isolation Part 3

 One of my confidants uses the word “chaos” to describe their situation regarding her relationships with friends and family. My word is “isolation.”  I tend to withdraw from mine when they are not heading in the direction I would, let’s say prefer. What has been brought to my attention is that I am highly relational but horrible in relationships. The enigmatic part of my character has me gregarious, outgoing and talking to strangers in every situation, yet I cannot count one friend that I can call my ‘buddy.  I am in a sense alone in the company of strangers.  I can create feelings in a rock yet I don’t know what mine are.  It would seem that it would be reasonable that someone who has charisma might be adept at personal relationships. However, it is just the opposite.  

Freedom Has it's Benefits

The serenity continues. In fact this idea of living without step children and in my case married adults, is giving me a healthier sense of self. I feel more relaxed in every way. I do not have to contend with younger people and their particular needs. Whether they be stated or unstated. They have needs that I cannot fulfill. I want to live day to day by myself so that I can see what direction my life needs to take, not to be nursemaid to the next generation.  I need solitude so that I can grow emotionally, spiritually and mentally.  

Don’t get me wrong I loved being a Step Dad but my tenure has to change to Adult Step Dad. 

Swimming

If you can submerge your ego just a bit and let nature dole out what needs to be said the better off you will be. What I mean is that when you open your mouth it usually makes things worse not better and you are better off leaving your blended family to their own foibles without you calling attention to them. They will love you for it and when they see their miscalculations themselves it is the lesson they will remember better than if you tried to tell them.

Counter Clockwise

It’s abundantly clear that I absolutely love the empty nest, and their is no syndrome being felt inside this Stepdad. It almost feels like vacation, because the days seem like 12 hours long and I if I could miniaturize myself I would be pulling back the minute hand counter clockwise just to be able to savor the time in a big uncrowded house.  I have sent resentment to the garage where it will hopefully wither and die. I pray that my 70 day respite softens my hardening heart.  I know the immigrants will back to thin my blood, but in the interim my pulse is slow and my blood pressure leaves me dizzy each time I rise from my deep slumber.  I don’t think my vital signs have  ever been this perfect,  and each day serenity spells peace and quiet. 

The Unhappy Boy

Has the interval of time without my stepson and daughter in law been a relief to me?  As I have written the functions of dishwasher, washer, dryer, television, electric lights, shower and running dish water all have had a precipitous decline.For instance it is the third day and the dishwasher has not been filled yet. When it is the four of us it runs daily.   But more than a household that runs a bit quieter I find myself in the curious position of being alone with my wife albeit with 6 felines. I have to admit that the conversation between us lives only when I inflate it. On a rare occasion over the last three weeks, my wife has had sporadic conversational bursts but for the most part she is silent engaged deeply in her craft of bracelets and necklaces that has occupied her time just as if she were a working girl again. Make no mistake I am happy for her and I am not complaining about the lack of attention but I do wish that she was a little more cognizant that I am not a happy boy.  

Step Dad: The Book

To the left of my own blog are book titles such as Successful Step Fathering. There are no formulaic answers that cover all topics and all situations. Step parenting in my opinion has to be individually experiential and then drawn from the feelings not as applied to with steps.   This is why I deleted them. I would like to think that an editor might find my blogging up to par to consider a book on blended families from a man's perspective. My online friend Jenn M. tells me that there are many women blogging about step parenting but not many men are doing it. I would love to add a male voice to this very special topic.

I have tried to be more than fair when giving my accounts of my family. Some say too fair and some say that I have been an enabler. I think I have been guilty because as a people pleaser I have let my step children, especially my step son not be held accountable. I want to turn in my good guy award and put respect in its place. More on this topic in the coming days.

East is East and West is West

My wife and I have had several talks with the “immigrants” by way of the computer since their departure some 12 days ago. I marvel at the clarity of the voice the internet provides, in some ways better than being on the telephone. The camera feature makes if feel as if they are right here in the living room. My step daughter was here yesterday and it was as if 5 of us were in the room at the same time. 

It is almost as if this communication ability keeps me from missing them and makes me feel they have not left at all. A double edged sword I imagine.  However the lack of their physical presence is such a welcome respite for me. Little things like the opening and closing of doors are conspicuously absent. I have a sense of peace and serenity that they at any given moment will not walk in or walk out of the room I am in. That they will not be descending the stairs headed to the kitchen to flip on the light or light the stove or start the washing machine is a treat. Silence is golden.   I guess it’s the privacy too I am enjoying most of all. At least for the moment anyway. 


P.S.
I have removed the contextual ads from my blog, because they are just formulaic in nature and run contrary to what I am writing about.  Being a step parent is ad hoc and steps 1-12 will just not do. 

11 Days On

So many things are apparent to me beside the empty nest upstairs. Little things like the roll of paper towels I put on the ring is still half full, when it is usually gone in several days. The washer and dryer are getting a rest and so is the dishwasher. I am not cleaning the sink of debris in the drain and I am not listening to late night showers. I don’t have to shut lights out when there is no one in the room.  I know that the electric bill and the water bill will be considerably less when I get the next invoice. These are small things to be sure but there are other benefits as well.

Not since the children left a year ago, have I had complete peace of mind. My wife I know is lonely for my daughter in law as I have mentioned in this blog before. However, everyday I wake up and there is nothing to share except the air I breathe with my wife and our six felines. Even the chores I attend to at first light I do with nary a complaint. I love being alone and as the dryer stops just now I am soaking in the solitude that only an empty nest favors me with. I can be selfish without having anyone wanting something from me. I am not the caretaker for two months and God do I love that.   There is no crowd in the kitchen or the den. There are no secret conversations about plans being made that I will be made aware of after the fact. 

There is one thing I fear however, and that’s is how fast the time will evaporate and I will once again be filled with resentment. For now I am happy and I intend to savor it.